留学文书中,选择哪些方面来写更加分?
2019-11-05

本文由芝士圈首席文书官Andrew Daum(牛津大学PPE)撰写,芝士圈CEO 黄宇人 热心翻译(特此感谢)。

以下为中英文对照:

Q:

How much relevant experience or conceptual knowledge should I mention to prove that I am knowledge and experienced enough? I found it hard to cover concepts as much as possible while showing abilities.

我应该提多少相关的经验或概念知识来证明我有足够的知识和经验?我发现在展示能力的同时,很难尽可能多地涵盖概念。

A:

Thank you for the question! It reflects a common concern. I’m going to make a few general but important points which will serve as a basis for answering your questions.

谢谢你的问题!它反映了一个共同的关切。我将提出一些一般性但重要的观点,作为回答你们问题的基础。

Your statement is not a transcript; it’s not a resume. It’s a distinct type of document, with a distinct objective and set of audience-expectations. It therefore requires a different type of writing.

你的个人陈述不是成绩单,也不是简历。这是一种不同类型的文件,有着不同的目标和读者的预期。因此,它需要一种不同的书写方式。

The goal of the PS is to

PS的目标是

1. Convey you as a person, and your academic potential; its goal is to make you an individual the reader can visualize to some extent (this is something resumes and transcripts or scores and grades cannot achieve).

传达你作为一个人的特质,以及你的学术潜力;它的目的是让读者在某种程度上能把你想象成一个独立的人(这是简历、成绩单和分数所不能做到的)。

2. Underpinning the presentation of you as an individual should be your case for admission; speaking somewhat generally (because I don’t know the exact wording of your school’s PS prompt) this will essentially involve explaining your answer to the question “Is Sheryl equipped to be a success at this school and beyond?”

你的入学申请应以你作为个人的表现为依据;一般来说(因为我不知道你们学校PS的要求),这将主要涉及解释你对这个问题的回答,即“Sheryl是否有能力在这所学校及未来取得成功?”

Addressing these questions means:

解决这些问题意味着:

Taking important and relevant experiences from your recent development history;

从你最近的发展历程中获取重要的相关经验;

Presenting them with engaging factual detail that engages the reader’s attention and introduces you on a personal basis; and Using that material to support points which prove:

向他们展示吸引读者注意力的事实细节,并基于个性做自我陈述;并利用这些材料来支持以下观点:

Abilities in the subject and skills that will help you given the nature of the advanced program you’re applying for; and

Motivation, which will sustain you on the program, enabling you to contribute and excel (before and after the program is completed) at an outstanding level.

由于你所申请的是研究生项目,所以展示在相关学科上的能力和技能将有帮助;以及足够的动机,因为这是持续支持你投入这个学习项目,使你能够对此作出贡献并发挥卓越水平的保障。

Start with where you are now: The most recent point in your development; how did you get here (usually best to restrict the explanation to experiences within the last 3 or 4 years); and then, why is the program the next logical step?

从你现在所处的位置开始:你的最近发展情况;你是如何做到这一点的(通常最好将时间段限制在过去3到4年的经历之内);然后,符合逻辑地阐述为什么这个项目是你下一步的选择?

Based on the above:

基于以上:

Information in your PS should be included to support specific points that are relevant to your case for admission: You can select the information from your background to support your case (obviously this should be the most impressive and recent information); your PS doesn’t and shouldn’t need to cover everything like an autobiography (or a curriculum vitae, perhaps). Be aware of the other documents that will support your PS, their requirements and the information they contain. They will be right in front of the person reading your PS as well! Therefore, avoid listing out or merely referencing particular areas of knowledge (that are already communicated—even implicitly—on other documents in your application such as your transcript or resume).

你的PS中的信息应该包括支持与入学申请相关的特定点:你可以从你的背景中选择支持你的申请的信息(显然这应该是最令人印象深刻的和最近的信息);你的PS不需要也不应该涵盖所有内容,像自传一样(或者简历)。因为还有其他的文书可以支持你的PS、需要注意不同文书的作用和包含的信息。所有这些文书都会被招生官看到。因此,避免在PS中罗列和重复信息(这些信息已经在你的申请过程中被了解过了,甚至已经隐含在其他文件上,比如你的成绩单或简历)。

You should always seek to demonstrate knowledge by example rather than merely state knowledge, because it’s more engaging and persuasive; it shows more understanding of the document and the application context. Remember, you can communicate knowledge by showing abilities. By saying…

你应该总是通过例子来展示知识,而不仅仅是笼统陈述,因为它更有吸引力和说服力;它显示了对文书和申请的更多理解。记住,你可以通过展示能力来传递信息。比如说……


“I used SPSS to analyze a dataset generated from 12,000 respondents in order to identify serious shortfalls in healthcare quality in Belgium,”
…you’re already demonstrating a significant amount of knowledge and ability without having to specifically state it. It is so much better thanwriting:“Outstanding SPSS skills.”
It could also be made a lot better still by making it more specific, but it depends on the context, of course.

“我使用SPSS分析了12000名受访者的数据库,以确定比利时的医疗质量严重不足。”
你已经展示了大量的知识和能力,而不需要特别说明。它比这样写要好得多:“我具备出色的SPSS技能。”
当然,如果使它更具体一些,还可以做得更好,但这取决于整篇文章的写作框架。

The purpose of a PS is to introduce you (and make your case). Therefore, the foundation for this document is factual information from your life, anecdotes about your experiences. It’s not the place for long sections of abstract information, because those can be looked up and restated by anyone. In a PS, the point is to write about yourself, your perspective on why your research goals are important, or your career ambitions and the experiences you had that formed them. In summary: [1] Don’t tell the reader things they already know; [2] limit material that does not help build and communicate your case for admission to that school! You can assuredly assume a reasonable level of professional knowledge on the part of the reader. [This answers your second question: How much detail should I go into? Is it enough to mention the concept name? It takes a lot of words and is hard to organize.]

PS的目的是介绍你(并证明自己)。因此,这份文件的基础是来自你生活中的事实信息,关于你的经历。它不是存放大量抽象信息的地方,因为任何人都可以找到和讲述这些抽象概念。在PS中,重点是写你自己,你对为什么你的研究目标很重要的观点,或者你的职业抱负和形成它们的过程。总之:[1]不要告诉读者他们已经知道的事情;[2]对无助于你申请进入那个学校的信息要限制篇幅。你可以假定招生官一般来说是具备一定程度的专业知识。这就回答了你的第二个问题:“我应该讲多少细节?仅仅提到概念名称就足够了吗?如果要解释的话需要很多单词,很难组织。”

Should I mention the strict grading rules? My college has a low overall GPA average.

“我应该提一下严格的评分规则吗?我的大学平均绩点很低。”

I’d say that unless you have a way of accounting for the GPA that is more specific to you… I would suggest you focus on demonstrating and building a positive case for admission. They may be difficult to explain and they’re not part of your experience or your case.

我想说的是,除非你有一种更有针对性的方法来计算GPA……否则我建议你集中精力展示和建立一个积极的录取理由。因为一个大学的评分机制可能是很难解释的,而且它们不是你的独特经历或案例的一部分。

I think one solution might be to mention your ranking in your resume (with some emphasis in the formatting or location choice)? This would show where you stand against your peers, thus demonstrating the implications of the school’s grading rules without having to explain them. This is just an idea.

我认为一个解决办法可能是在你的简历中提到你的排名(在格式或位置选择上强调一下)?这将表明你与其他同学的不同之处,从而展示学校评分规则的含义,而无需特别解释,仅供参考。

Last thing I’d add: a lot of people worry unduly about ‘low’ scores and place undue emphasis on them (either in their applications or in their minds). Maintain perspective at all times, by knowing your true worth, which comes to some of us simply by figuring out how explain our qualifications and make a positive case for ourselves, effectively, to other people!

我要补充的最后一件事是:许多人过分担心“低”分数,并过分强调它们(无论是在他们的申请中,还是在他们的头脑中)。任何时候都要保持正确的观点,了解你的真正价值,这对我们中的一些人来说就是简单地弄清楚如何解释我们的资格,为自己找一个积极的理由,有效地向别人证明自己!

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